My most recent drought...

Have you ever felt like you were in a drought..like this season of your life had no meaning, no purpose, it was just merely a time of production and survival? That is how the last 6 months have felt to me. Between a toddler, a full time job, keeping up the house, laundry, a dog, feeding said toddler and dog, and a hand full of personal struggles...I have felt dried up. The ability to see any purpose in anything has seemed nearly impossible. I have been in a rut I guess. In all that I've also felt extremely pulled to get back to blogging but what would I possibly blog about? Some of my personal struggles I am not so ready to talk about, mommy-hood is just what it is...mommy-hood, nothing new to say there and my spiritual walk is a little like someone who's had too much wine. #moscatocleanup, first pew on the left. I've struggled with talking to God, hearing Him clearly, reading, praying...the whole bit has wandered out of my daily life. I don't know how I allowed myself to get here, but I have. Today in our service I took some time during the offertory to pray, just pray for wisdom, for guidance, a sign that I'm heading in the direction He would have me to. When I got home today I had received a message from my dear friend who heads up Footprints on the Heart, the local organization that I support and speak of often.
I feel like God said...you asked-here.
She said that a piece of my wedding gown had been used to make an infant burial gown and was gifted today to a sweet mother who was having to lay her still born daughter to rest. It brought me to my knees. This poor family, right at Christmas, laying their child to rest. Oh how my heart aches for this dear family. The pain of burying your child a pain like no other. I wish I could wrap her up in my arms and just let her know that she is dearly loved and supported, that Jesus is cradling her sweet baby. I know that pain all too well and my heart wants to reach her heart and just hold it for a while because it's going to be hard for her to breathe and her heart may forget to beat from time to time...bless her.
Our pastor spoke about Joseph and his crucial role in Christ's story of birth and His earthly life today. It is amazing how overlooked he is. He talked about loving beyond our rights. Loving deeply and trusting that God was good and His word would guide us. When I got my note today it brought me back to Joseph. It brought me back to them welcoming a new baby boy, The King. It brought me back to their journey as parents. It brought me back to Gods love for us that He would GIVE His son...for us. Can you imagine handing over your child to die? No, no parent can...but God. He can because He did. 
It also gave me great pause for Mary. A new mommy, who's baby was born....only to die a cruel unimaginable death. One of my favorite scriptures from Luke is 2:19
"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."
Because that's what us moms do....we treasure every single second and moment with our little one and we keep them as close to us as we can. To have those future moments robbed is a hard way to suffer and for this mommy today, she will slowly begin to miss the things that she never experienced. She will remember every anniversary. She will remember when her baby would have been 10 months old and would have probably been starting to pull up and wobble. She may celebrate their birthdays, she will never go a day without remembering what could've been. She will "ponder them in her heart", just like Mary did. 
I ask my blog family, my facebook family, and all the people this may reach, to pray for this family over the next few weeks and months to come. I don't know them personally but I know they are hurting and I know that I serve a God who commands us to love one another.


I was shopping  just yesterday and my sweet girl got to stand and twirl on the same pedestal where I was fitted for my wedding gown. When I stood on that pedestal 7 years ago, I had no idea that I would lose my first daughter after two days, I had no idea that I would have another "close call" with my second daughter and I had no idea that the very gown would be used to help parents bury their tiny babies. God works in mysterious ways...
Below is a picture collage I would like to share.
My dress on my wedding day
My precious, Jesus held, first daughter, Berkley.
My sweet Sadie on the day she was born.
My sweet Sadie yesterday twirling where I first tried on my gown.
And finally a picture of the infant burial gown that was made from my wedding gown.

PS: it's raining...