Let Him be your first call

My sweet Sadie is playing a new game on her tablet where she connects colors dots on a grid. They can’t overlap so she is really having to think ahead to figure out the right path for each color to connect in a continuous line. Well, tonight she found the help button (by accident) that will give her a clue to one of the color patterns if she is stumped. She was so excited to be able to “get help” that she was pushing it every time and saying “oh thank you mr. helper”.  It was pretty stinking adorable but I immediately chimed in and said  “baby we don’t ask for help unless we’ve absolutely tried our very best”. Now, it is obviously very important to teach independent skills and working hard. I was raised this way and I believe it is truly important so I am not knocking that at all. But it got me thinking about bigger things, bigger God things. I wish I was so eager to push the “help” button when things are out of my control. I am quick to quote Psalms 121:2 “my help comes from the Lord” but it’s usually after I’ve tried to work it out myself. Anybody else? How often do we get caught up on facts and earthy feelings and forget that We can literally just call out the name of Jesus! We don’t have to figure it out and present it to Him in a neat package before we ask for help. We don’t have to try OUR best, we just have to rely on Him. How amazing that He, creator of the universe, can be our first call? 

He directs our paths. 

He knows what’s ahead. 

He knows roadblocks. 

He knows heartache. 

This world is in a scary place right now and we are all well equipped with our opinions of what is right and wrong. But y’all, God knows this. God isn’t shaken or surprised by any of it. He knows every detail of what is and what’s to come. We are all facing different circumstances during these trying times but we can all bank on ONE thing.  ❤️God.is.with.us.❤️

He knows the end game and y’all, HE WINS. 

So I truly pray that as this season of uncertainty continues we are all pressing our fears and doubts into Him because He is the Almighty Helper! 

#letHimbeourfirstcall

March 19th—hair.

Hey chemo, I got my spicy hair cut—let’s fight. 

#BCstage2 #Godsgotit

March 2nd

Last Wednesday we received pathology from the lymph nodes they removed during my lumpectomy. Unfortunately they found a few cancer spots in 3 of the 6 nodes that they removed. My anxiety, doubt, fear, all of it, absolutely crippled me. Truthfully I have felt more doubt in the last month than I have in any circumstance I’ve ever walked. I am used to one time events but a cancer journey including chemotherapy...shew, I have had no words or energy to even process. That’s why I didn’t share it on social media, I was shaken. 

Of course I prayed, sometimes with no words. Of course I believed, but I was so scared. 

It was hard news to take. It shook more than when I got the cancer diagnosis. The idea that it could have spread to other parts of my body was terrifying. Today I had a bone scan and a CT of chest, abdomen and pelvis. It was a long day of waiting and scans but my sweet David stayed with me all day. 😘 I have an appointment this Wednesday where we were going to discuss the results but y’all...My precious doctor called me at almost 5 o’clock to let me know that there were no signs of cancer found! We also received news from the genetic test and they were also negative! 

All.scans.were.negative. 

All.scans.were.negative. 

PRAISE.THE.LORD. 🙌🏼

I will proceed with chemo and radiation in a  few weeks once my incisions heal. So although that journey still lies ahead, today we celebrate! 

Y’all...tell me He won’t do it! 🙌🏼 ✝️❣️

#NotmyplanbutHis #Hardjourney

Not superhuman...at all.

I’m not so strong. 

I’m no super hero.

I’m really struggling.

I’m not okay. 

I’m depressed.

I’m a hot mess of emotions. 

I’m really ashamed that I’m struggling. Physically I am fine, emotionally I’m a wreck. 

I’m also really embarrassed that the one who stood up in front of quite a few women just a few weeks ago, is completely crumbling at a “set back”...and that’s why I want to share part of a book I just started by Beth Moore. 

I feel her words deeply today. It’s no accident that our women’s group just started this book last week...I so needed it, well the first chapter anyway. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ignore how I look. 

Ignore my crooked middle bottom tooth.

Ignore my no makeup and not dried hair. 

Ignore that I slurred a few words. 

Actually just ignore all the things...and just hear what Beth Moore has to say about insecurity. 

Also I have nothing inspirational or well scripted to say...like at all. That’s why I’m reading to y’all  from Beth Moore...🤷🏼‍♀️ But it gives me much comfort that I am not alone, that’s for certain! 

Thank you so much for all the prayers we feel every single one of them. 

Thank you so much for the meals, we’ve enjoyed every one of them. 

This is hard but God is still so good. 

#thedevilusessetbacks #Godwillwin

Recovery is so tough...

Thank you everyone for all the prayers and love over the last few days! Recovery really stinks and not being able to be around Sadie has been the absolute worst. But y’all, I have the best tribe of friends and family that have stepped in and taken over. Praise God for small towns! 🙌🏼

Also, poor David...y’all pray for him. I’m a lot to handle..🤷🏼‍♀️

#toomanytotag #BCOUT #step1anddone

Step ONE — February 20...lets go

Tomorrow morning the process begins...

Step1: Surgery 

In all honesty, I’ve been pretty depressed since I was given this diagnosis. I have allowed the Devil to control my thought life and it hasn’t been pretty. I’ve been so overwhelmed at times that I have felt paralyzed and that’s given my mind time to run wild with all the things....fear,doubt,anger,confusion. You name it, I feel like I’ve felt it. 

It’s not a fear or doubt that God isn’t in control, I know He is. Its not a fear that God can’t heal me, I know He can. Its that lingering thought of “God can heal me but what if that doesn’t glorify Him”. I’ve seen this play out both ways. I’ve seen God heal David and Sadie but at the same time I have seen Berkley and Henry not healed on this earth. I have seen God glorified through both the joys and the pains of this world. And it’s hard, It’s really hard. It has consumed my thoughts over the last week. I have been stuck in this hard place of wanting God to be glorified while being fully aware that Him being glorified might not feel good. I’ve been so consumed that my prayer life has suffered and my bible studies have been non-existent. I know this seems counterintuitive but it’s the hard place I am stuck in right now. 

Although I am falling short and although I am struggling to find energy to fight, God is NOT absent. It is in OUR weakness that HIS glory is revealed! Praise God and Amen. 🙌🏼

I know I am loved and I feel every precious prayer being prayed on my behalf. (Thank you!)

I know He is fighting this for me. 

And I know He is good at being GOD! 

#repeatwithmetohelpme 

I know God has this. 

I know God is fighting for me. 

I know God is with me. 

I know the truth of God. 

I know the power of the prayer.

I know that God is trustworthy.

I know that God will be glorified.

Cancer. Feb 10th changed it all

It was the Friday before I was supposed to speak at our annual ladies dinner. There were 120 women coming to enjoy dinner at our church and I was the guest speaker. Public speaking is so out of my comfort zone but I was so strongly convicted to share that it didn’t take much prayer to accept what God was clearly telling me to do. What I didn’t know when I accepted the opportunity was that I would be facing a very scary health issue that weekend. This past Friday, I had been sent for a mammogram and ultrasound on a suspicious lump that I found in my breast. The following 3 days felt like an eternity waiting on results. I felt so paralyzed with fear that I barely made it to the ladies event on Saturday night. Every worse case scenario played out in my head over and over. I am in total awe of the way God calmed my nerves, provided me with words, and to got me through the event. 

It came to pass on Monday afternoon that the words “breast cancer” were given to me. Thankfully we have caught it very early. Stage 1 Ductal Carcinoma. We have met with a great team of medical professionals that are devising the best treatment plan for me. 

I am completely shaken to the core. 

I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. 

Trust me, I have asked all the “whys”, I have cried giant tears, and have battled some crazy moments of doubt over the last week. 

But I am certain that the Lord will walk every step with me.  I have already seen His provision with each appointment, lab work, and testing. I have seen God line up my path with people to help encourage me and help us make the best decision possible for my health. I am truly grateful for all the outpouring of love and support I have already received. 

God.is.Good.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bd6odYyVqHV5zF_OpljX_20ujd7IsH8-/view