On Friday Henry would have been two months old. I would love to be posting a picture of him with a praise report from the NICU on how he is off of his vent or finally gaining weight and drinking from a bottle. I would love to post the same cheerful updates I was able to post with Sadie. But I’m not getting to post those updates. I’m not getting to post those updates because one week after I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy in the world, I had to rock his sweet baby heart until it stopped. I rocked his sweet heart into the arms of Jesus.
I was was journaling some thoughts on Henry tonight and this phrase kept leaving the tip of my pen, “into the arms of Jesus”. I used that same phrase when I talked about Berkley and now I am using it again about Henry. It’s a comforting phrase for me and I would assume every mother that’s lost a child. Knowing two of my babies are with Jesus is how I survive some days. I’m not sure where I first heard it or who initially coined the phrase but tonight it made me pause. It made me think about how different our perspective would be if we used that same phrase with our living children? I have never used that phrase in regards to Sadie. Why? Maybe it’s subconscious on my part...maybe it’s just a simple phrase I keep away from the one child I didn’t have to give back. I know how bitter and cynical that sounded..it wasn’t intentional, not that I don’t have dark moments where it would have been intentional, but in this case I just didn’t have the right fluff words to phrase it nicely—
Y’all, we have the open arms of Jesus for far more than just our children who have passed. We have His open arms with our living children too. What if everyday when we rocked our babies, we rocked them into the arms of Jesus? What would that look like? And what if once they were bigger, we held their hands and walked them to Jesus? What if every single day we gave our children, our living breathing beautiful babies, over to the open armed Savior of the world? Sure we pray for our children and lead them toward Jesus but what if we literally gave them to Jesus every single day? We have the ability to hand them off to a loving Father, no matter the age or status, so why don’t we? This phrase is taking on a new meaning for me and I am going to strive to be a mother who gives her babies over to Jesus while they’re still breathing too.
#preachingtome
#spinningthephrase
#grievinggonerogue
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