James 1: 17 says this...
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”
"But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die." 2 Samuel 12:14
So in all biblical truth, Henry was never really mine...hard to swallow right?
In no way am I in a place to say out loud and fully feel with confidence, calming my sad destroyed heart, that Henry was never really mine. But just because I sometimes struggle to “emotionally” accept the truth doesn’t change it from being truth. God formed him. God knew him before HE formed him. We see that in Jeremiah 1:5. So If God chooses to take away what He has given me, shouldn’t I accept that as Gods will? Sure I should....but we are human and we live in a fallen world. We fight with nights of uncontrollable sobbing for things that we consider ours when nothing in this world is ever truly ours. Walking in Gods never changing truth while going through a period of ever changing emotions can be extremely difficult and confusing. When you have the knowledge of Gods truth but your emotions take you off into an unhealthy valley of untruths, your actions and reactions may no longer reflect the truth you know. And then battling the guilt of letting your emotions control you...that makes for a Day 2 emotional hangover.
Lysa T said in her devotion Embraced,
"You see, if someone asked me “what are you all about?” I would have some nice sounding answers. But what actually happens during the strains of everyday life can sometimes betray my best intentions.” and quotes a verse from 2 Timothy.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 says “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
If we are rooted in the truth, training ourselves in righteousness, the hope is that when life happens, we are equipped to walk the journey with Jesus. Walking in truth with Jesus is the only way that the circumstances that life will throw can be survived. This isn’t to say that mistakes won’t be made and questioning the whys and what if’s won’t come. I think that is all part of the journey. But I also like to think that even though I am not intentionally “using this as an opportunity for others to know Christ”, that being rooted in His truth will allow others to see Christ through the journey as well as help me walk in truth more times than not. Does that even make sense? For example, it requires no real intent or action for me to “have faith that this is God’s plan". I know because I am rooted in it. Do I question it, cry out to Him daily, fail, allow my emotions to lead me some days?? Sure. But I know (I have the head knowledge) that even though the worst of my days, He still makes everything good for HIS WILL. I like to think that is how others see Christ in us even when we can’t see Christ in ourselves. I like to think that being rooted enough in the truths will outshine the ugly “not so faith filled” emotionally controlled days..
I am so thankful that His word never changes...from beginning to end, I know His word is true, and that is what we have to rest on. That is what we must rest on when circumstances seem unbearable and emotions take control. So even though I can not, with full confidence and no tears, look at you in the eyes and say "Its okay that Henry isn't in my arms. This was Gods plan, Henry was never really mine and God will work it all together for good", I know that is the truth and that truth is what sustains me. That truth is sustaining me as I walk through the ups and downs of grief. And although some days I may feel more weak than others, His truth doesn’t change. Praise.God.
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