One year ago today I went for my weekly doctor appointment to check on baby Henry. Every week I got a shot and every week I saw an OB. At my previous appointment everything was fine and healthy so I had no reason to believe that anything was going on. Within a few hours I was admitted to Floyd with pre-term labor. I was 22/5. After the results of my two prior pregnancies, I was well aware of what the odds of a healthy baby were and terrified of the pain and heartache I was about to face. My entire body shook from the moment I was told to go to the hospital. My mind jumped from scenario to scenario for the next 3 weeks of bed rest. With each ultrasound I feared the worst, when my water broke I knew it was the end, and when Sadie cried missing me at home the guilt was so bad I vomited. Some moments were a blur and some moments so clear, i wish I could forget them.
It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year. In a few short weeks we will celebrate his 1st birthday and one week later be reminded of the last breath he took. It has been a hard year, no doubt, and it hasn’t passed peacefully without pain, doubt, anger, or emptiness but it has also been a year of growth and Hope....
Have you ever seen a weed growing up in the concrete? Like one tiny twig sticking up between breaks in concrete that you immediately want to spray with weed killer? I saw one this morning and was given this nugget...Good things can grow in hard places and sometimes the hard places stimulate the growth. I know this because I’ve lived it. I know this because God leaves us examples in scripture of growth from hard places. It is not always a pleasant process, in fact it often may look like a weed sticking out of place in the concrete but it doesn’t negate the growth. The circumstances we are in have nothing to do with the perfection of the gifts God has given us or will give us during the hard seasons.
“For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving,”
1 Timothy 4:4
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
James 1:17
So while I’m coming up on a hard anniversary and while the season I’m celebrating ended in devastation. While there are still days of extreme grief and overwhelming emptiness, it doesn’t make sweet Henry any less than a perfect gift from God. Even the hardest of days don’t take away the memories of one week on earth, or 25 weeks of belly life.
Good things can grown in hard places.
Hard places don’t negate perfect gifts from God.
Amen and Amen. 🙌🏼
Side note: it was raining and I was late so stopping my sloth like moving morning child to take a picture was less than optimal....so I googled an image for the post. 🙄🤷🏼♀️
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