June 24, 2018 we welcomed our 1st sweet boy into the world...and after 7 days of highs and lows we said goodbye.
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It’s not fair.
It still hurts.
I still cry.
I rejoice he is with Jesus.
Sadie talks about him often.
She talks to Isaac about him too.
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It’s hard to wake up knowing that part of you isn’t here. And sadly a lot of people reading this know exactly what I’m talking about. You wake up each morning with a pit and for a brief moment you remember that you’re incomplete on this side of heaven...
But then you have to get up and face whatever is ahead, juggle whatever tasks are in front of you, and pretend like a part of you isn’t missing. There are moments that you see glimpses of what could be that don’t totally break you down. There are moments you can rejoice that they aren’t hurting or struggling to survive.
I know Gods plan is good, but some days are just still hard. It’s a process, an infinite journey with no end. Until I see my sweet babies again, I will wake up each day with a pit in my stomach. The pits feel deeper as anniversaries roll around but ease up during the year, while never fully going away. That’s the hard truth.
And y’all, I can’t process out the pain or journal away the tears. There is no amount of self care books that will make me feel better about the circumstances surrounding loss. I have zero ability to handle the depth of pain that losing a child can bring because I am not enough on my own.
But God.
God gives me joy.
Even in the silence, God gives me joy.
Joy has zero to do with happiness or circumstance.
Joy has zero to do with self help or self care.
Joy is 100% from God.
Joy gets me up.
Joy keeps me going.
Joy keeps me smiling.
Joy is an inner contentment that can only be found in Jesus and knowing Him.
Joy is from God. And.God.is.good.
“Those who sow in tears Shall reap in joy.” Psalms 126:5
Happy 3rd Birthday Henry Glenn!
We love you so much!
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