News Laws - New Lives - Gods Lives

I’m not going to give a political opinion on this new legislation and I don’t want any arguments created on my post. 

I just want to share my experience with you guys...

Berkley was born at 24 weeks. I gave birth to my first tiny person at home, alone, unmedicated. She had a lot of problems and was barely “viable”. We were given the choice to let her pass on her own or to give her a chance. “Full court press” is what we asked of the doctors. She fought hard from Oct 10, 2012- October 12, 2012. 

Sadie was born at 28 weeks. Sweet Sadie was a tough cookie, 8 weeks of NICU stay and she busted up out of there. I tried to deliver but had a prolapsed cord. Since we were both in danger, she was born via emergency c-section on July 29, 2015.

Henry was born at 25 weeks after 3 weeks of hospital bed rest, fluids and too many bed pans. I carried him for two weeks after my water broke. He entered the world with an epidural and typical vaginal delivery. He fought like a champ for an entire week from June 24, 2018-July 1, 2018.

I have had 3 babies in 6 years. 

I have never carried past 28 weeks and I have delivered 3 babies 3 very different ways. I have watched all three of my tiny babies fight hard for their lives. I may only have one on earth but they all had a chance. Two of them took their last breath in my arms. Regardless of anyone’s political stance, these are babies that God himself formed and placed in my womb. God trusted me with these tiny lives regardless of how long I carried. The same God who created the heavens and the earth trusted me with the task and blessing of being a mama...

““Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.””

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭1:5‬ 

““This is what the Lord says— your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb: I am the Lord, the Maker of all things, who stretches out the heavens, who spreads out the earth by myself,”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭44:24‬ ‭

2019..I’m coming at ya!

July 1, 2018 was the last time I held sweet Henry. Six months of remembering the way his skin felt against mine. Six months of smelling the NICU smells. Six months of scrubbing my hands, listening to beeping machines, and praying over a plastic box. Losing my second child has more than destroyed my heart but I know there is a greater HOPE. I know there is greater purpose for the pain and that Gods plan is far greater than mine...

So even though 2018 has held more heartache than I could ever express, I am walking hand in hand with Jesus into 2019. 

#cheersto2019 #growth

Six Months

Six.months.

Six months ago my sweet Henry was born. One week of life was all we were blessed with but it was one more week than we could ever deserve and exactly how He intended it to be. 

Thank you Jesus for the week of Henry on earth! 

Thank you for your promise to never leave us or forsake us. 

Thank you for painful seasons of growth where we grow closer to you. 

Happy five months and 3 weeks with Jesus, baby boy! Mommy loves you so so much!

Agwo John Update

Who remembers my sponser child, Agwo from Ethiopia? Well I started sponsoring her almost 2 years ago because I wanted to love on a hurting child and she shares her birthday with my sweet Berkley. Today, on their 6th birthday, I received an updated picture of her. What a blessing to get this picture and see how much she has grown! 

It really shows that God is even in the little things. There is no telling when this picture was taken, sent to Compassion and mailed but I was able to get a glimpse of a 6 year old little girl on the same day I celebrate my first girls 6th  birthday. #butGod #Agwo

Ten-Four

Ten-Four. 

A date I probably said everyday for 6 months. A date that was going to be the day I met my sweet Henry. The day David would meet his son. The day Sadie would get to meet him and be the most proud big sister. Instead, it’s been 3 months since I met him and said goodbye. Instead I roll fresh dirt through my fingers instead of baby toes. Instead I lose sleep with the “what if’s” instead of a crying baby. Instead of a happy date, it’s a reminder on my calendar of what should have been..

I did get through it, survival is probably a better term. There were tears, small outbursts, apologies and blurry disconnected moments, but I survived it....well Grace got me through it. 🙌🏼

And praise the LORD I can go to bed and start over tomorrow. 

Come soon, Ten-Five. 

#realtalk

#threeinmyheart 

#photothankstoConnie

Are we Show Ready or Lived in?

Pre-post Disclaimer: I’m a bit psycho over cleanliness. Like legit crazy. In fact, david calls me a maid because I spend more time cleaning the house than living in it. Move forward...

I was tidying up the house a few days ago and as I threw something in a bedroom and closed the door I was immediately struck with conviction. I was cleaning up for someone to come over and I wanted to make sure the living spaces were tidy but I had zero concern for the bedrooms. Why? Because they weren’t going in the bedroom. They wouldn’t see that I just threw in lady bug wings, a pack of wipes and dirty socks. They would see the tidy house. The one that doesn’t show all the clutter that’s usually laying around. They would see the un-lived in house, the HGTV ready show house. And y’all, it hit me, isn’t this what we do with our lives? 

We tuck the worst parts of us in corners of our hearts, package ourselves up neat and tidy to present ourselves to the world. The “fake it til you make it” mentality. We don’t want people to see just how truly “lived in” that we are. We don’t want them to see the dark thoughts, the battle scars, and the not so “Jesus girl” moments. But then I read this...

‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’ 2 Cor 12:9

We don’t have to tuck the dark places away from anyone. In fact, we can boast about those weaknesses. We can be open, honest and vulnerable about our dark places. Why? Because In those dark places, there’s Grace. 

Y’all we don’t have to hide it all. We don’t have to paint on an un-lived in look. But it’s exactly what we do. We tuck the shame, heartache, and failures away never to be seen. Now there is a time and place for things, I know that. And I’m not suggesting that we live in dark places forever, just that maybe we try to be where we are. He is faithful and He will carry us so why do we try and cover it up, suggesting that we paint on “I’m doing pretty good” better than He can carry us? He can give us that perfect peace even when we aren’t doing good, when we’re in the trenches. There is something so beautiful about His grace is in those dark places. And y’all if we tuck the dark places away, we’re tucking that Grace away with it. I do it all the time. Her name is fake Lauren and she is amazing. Literally amazing y’all. I have mastered the skills to the point that real Lauren and fake Lauren can almost look identical. It takes a person super close to me to see the difference. It’s so sad. Literally, so sad because it’s so unnecessary. And hiding my weakness is hiding Gods grace. I don’t know about y’all but hiding anything about God just sounds like a bad idea to me. 

I want to live my life more lived in than “show ready”. I want to be honest with myself and others about where I am and how God has been faithful in those times. 

#showreadyorlivedin 

..and her arms were finally as full as her heart

If I could live between here and eternity, i imagine it would look something like this...and her arms were finally as full as her heart

💗💗💙