A depleted spirit

Do you ever feel like you are just drained emotionally? Like your entire spirit is depleted? Like, dare I say, too emotionally zapped to even pray? 🙋🏼‍♀️ 

Life can be so exhausting, even when there are no major life events taking place. Just living in a sin soaked world is exhausting, and adding in all the complications of life can bury you emotionally. 

When I find myself with a depleted spirit, it is usually because I have attempted to face a challenging circumstance alone. It is usually when I have worked myself silly to figure out my life without consulting the One who gave me life. 

Emotions and feelings can be so overwhelming, so hard to navigate, and feel so lonely. The heaviness of it all can feel like a gravity in and of itself. Sometimes a depleted spirit can lead you to feel like God isn’t with you or God isn’t working. It can cause you to question why God would allow such pain and hurt.

The truth is “God will never leave you or forsake you”—Hebrews 13:5. 

The truth is “in this world you will have much trouble”—John 16:33. 

The truth is “all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord”—Romans 8:28. 

Our circumstances aren’t tied to the goodness of God and our feelings have zero to do with the truth of God. When our fickle feelings overrun the truth we know about God, it can easily lead to a confusing season of doubt. 

We absolutely must hang on to the biblical truths we know, and press through our circumstances with the peace of God, knowing we aren’t alone. 

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

‭‭II Corinthians‬ ‭4:16-18‬ 

#preachingtomyselftonight 

Clear SCAN

The scan-xiety has been awful but I am happy to report CLEAR SCANS! 🙌🏼

#BCNOMORE #Godisgood #horriblepicture

YMCA

New fun Lauren fact:

I had the wonderful Miriam recommend the Livestrong program to me at the YMCA. It’s a program geared toward cancer survivors that helps get survivors back to physical activity after treatment. It is also a program that gives tons of information on fitness and healthy living after fighting a major battle. I truly didn’t know what to expect but I have to say I am so so thankful to be a part of this amazing group of women! We are 5 weeks in and I’m so excited for each session. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting new women, bonding over our stories, and learning so much from the amazing instructors! 

This cancer journey has been so hard on my body and add pregnancy to that...shewy. I am so thankful God placed these people in my life to get me back into a healthy fitness program, and gaining my strength back! 💛

First scan-xiety

And so it was one year ago when the anesthesiologist came in and said “Mrs Simpson, we can’t do this proceedure, you are pregnant.” 

It was also one year ago that I called David to pick me up from the hospital..

Me: “Im done you can come get me”

D: “That was fast, what time is it?”

Me: “they didn’t do it, I’m pregnant”

Click

Me: hello, hello...

😂😂

Today I go for my first scan post treatment. I am both anxious for the scan and thankful I am POST treatment. 

It’s been one heck of a year! I am so grateful to see the other side of treatment and be a part of the greatest miracle in my sweet Isaac. ♥️

Also can we all reflect on that straight hair...🤷🏼‍♀️ #whyimachiapetnow

Radiation is DONE!

On February 10, 2020 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. That was 51 weeks ago. In those 51 weeks, I have had breast surgery, 20 weeks of chemo(16 rounds), a blood clot, 2 kidney stones, 35 weeks of a pregnancy, brought home a newborn, and today I finished 7 weeks (33 rounds)of radiation treatment! What a blessing to be at the tail end of this journey, y’all! In a couple of weeks I will have a hysterectomy and then will be taking a pill for 5 years to hopefully prevent/lower the chance of any reoccurrence. This has been a tail kicking year YALL, no doubt about it, but I am so grateful for all the beautiful blessings that have come from it. There were times I thought I didn’t have the strength to take another step but sweet Jesus always met me where I was to give me just what I needed to take the next breath. What a miracle I have been so blessed to carry out so that even in the trials I can find joy! He is good.

Can I get an AMEN, y’all!? 🙌🏼

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-3‬

Clean-New-Making Room

Cold.

Dead.

Empty.

Blah.

Barren.

These are the words I always associate with January. It’s my least favorite month of the year. I’m a warm weather gal and the blah of cold/wet January always brings me down. I struggle every year just to survive the month...

Clean.

Fresh.

Uncluttered.

Space for New.

Those are the words that hit me when I was outside this morning...and they’ve sat heavy ever since. I’ve not been able to stop writing since this was put on my heart in the early morning hours. 

My perspective on January can either be death, or I can see it as getting ready for new life. When I looked down the road today, I saw crisp trees and flat lawns. I could see my breath but I could also feel the warmth of what’s to come. There were no leaves to clutter my view, no uncut lawns, no outdoor grills or toys sitting out...just a blank canvas. While I love the look of summer time in action, and I especially love the changing colors on the trees during the fall, there is something about the uncluttered open space of winter. This season is for making space and preparing for new growth. These trees are blank, empty of heavy leaves bringing them down, not baked in the sun drying out...just a blank canvas preparing for new life. People say it all the time, growth comes in hard places. We see it first hand in the trees every year. The hard cold ground, with hard cold roots, a hard cold trunk, and hard cold branches all prepare this tree for the growth that Spring will bring. 

We should do the same. 

This season, both time of year and circumstances, should be for making room for growth. We should take time to prune back the clutter of our hearts and minds. We should visit the hard places in our lives and figure out why they’re so hard. We should sit in it long enough to make peace with it or kick it the heck out, seeking God in whatever that decision may be. Those hard places bring growth or bring us down, and going unaddressed will only take up space. 

When Jesus was on earth, it wasn’t all easy. Do you think being fully God, aware that He had to die, but also fully human, so not wanting to die? In the Garden of Gethsemane, He wrestled this very concept, He addressed the hard. He didn’t want to have to die but He knew He had to. It was hard, unimaginably hard. And then what...He died on a cross (tree) but was raised to life again. Y’all, but God. Shew...🙌🏼 

PS: And you know what, God is in every detail...especially the hard places. The Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus wrestled with the hardest of all, is known as the “olive” garden. We all know that wine comes from olives...but did you know that the delicious wine that comes from those Olives, can only come after a season of harsh winds and hard pressing? I learned this tidbit last year and it has stuck with me. It still amazes me how God is in the most intricate of details. I try to cling to that truth when I’m feeling stuck in the hard places of life or when I feel like maybe God doesn’t care about a small situation in my life. He does. He absolutely does. And we can trust that when we seek Him in those details, He will not leave us abandoned. 

“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭9:10‬

ELEVEN

Today I completed my ELEVENTH radiation treatment! I am 1/3 of the way there y’all!! 

This is a picture of a card I scan to open the door to the radiation rooms. It’s basically an ID that says “you are battling cancer and everything kinda stinks so scan this card to unlock the door and treat yo self”. It isn’t a big deal at all, y’all know I’m dramatic, but I really don’t like having my name tied to something so terrible...and now I have an ID for it. Blah, I hate it. 😖

While I am so ready to finish the journey, I am also mindful of the lessons and depth of grace I am receiving from Jesus while I’m on it.

Sometimes it feels like the pit they threw Joseph in...trapped in a world I don’t recognize with no way out and an ID for a disease no one wants.

But it’s on those days that I reflect back to Mary Magdalene...sobbing at the empty tomb looking for Jesus, asking where He had been taken but not realizing she was talking to Jesus. Then He turned to her and said “Mary”...and she fell to His feet in worship. If I ever feel like I’m in the pit, crying out, looking up for Jesus amid all the things that cancer brings, I wrestle until I hear “Lauren”. 

And y’all, I always hear Lauren. 

Grace.

He is so good. 

#Heknowsmyname #myIDiswithChrist