I want to be brave. I want to face each day with the confidence that God is in control. I want to wake up and know that no matter the circumstances, He holds my best interest and there is a purpose in the pain. I would love to say that I do. I would love to say that I wake up each day and embrace God’s Grace. The truth is, I don’t wake up brave. I don’t wake up with the confidence that He is supreme. I wake up with fear and doubt. I wake up with a rolling list of things that need to get done and the never ending cycle of “you aren’t enough” playing through my head. We know He reigns supreme and has us in the palm of His hand, so why is it so easy for us to let the devil take over our day as soon as our feet hit the floor? I close my day in prayer and yet 8 hours later wake up with the same doubts and fears I laid down the night before. Why can’t we lay it all down and leave it? Is it a lack of trust? How arrogant of us to think we can handle it better than God can. Who do we think we are?
See, it doesn’t matter our knowledge of His grace and love if we don’t have the relationship. We can have the knowledge that He is always in control yet not feel comfortable enough in the relationship to fully rest in Him. Daily giving it over is a struggle….it can be exhausting at times.
I say all this from a dark place. Today is one of those days where I just want to crawl in a hole because I can’t see past myself. Today is a day where I don’t feel like I can rest in His plan. But I know I can, I have done it before. He is always with me. He is an all-consuming, ever present, all knowing God and all I have to do is lay it down.
#realtalk
No comments:
Post a Comment