His will

October 2014..

God's will. This is all that matters...that His will be done. I have been thinking about this for a couple of days now and really asking myself if my faith was strong enough to believe that it was in His will for my little girl to die. As we are getting closer to Berkley's 2nd birthday, I have been flooded with emotions. Some good and some painful, but memories and emotions nonetheless. If I really sit down and evaluate the valleys I have been in I know there are times where I was mad and shouted at God for taking away my baby. I think that's a normal emotion to feel. However, if I sit back and think of what He gave up for me....well it shatters me. He gave His only son for all of us. All of us. I would do or give up anything to have Berkley here with me....and He gave His son. GAVE HIM. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle and it is important that we realize that these battles aren't for nothing. He holds us in our hardest times and He can use our darkest days to bring light to others. I won't say that I don't have days where I want to stay in bed and waller in sadness, bitterness, guilt, anger and pity, because that would be a lie. I will say that if showing His light during my dark times can further His kingdom....well I need to shine because He gave it all for us. I can't imagine my dark days without Him and it crushes my heart to know that people face hard battles without him. So is my faith strong enough to believe it is in His will? Yes. It is a very hard road to walk, but yes I believe that His plan for my life and it doesn't include Berkley being with me here. I will praise Him in the dark for he knows my path.