She still isn't home...but is my heart her true home?

Not being able to bring my sweet girl home is not easy. As the weeks have gone by it has only proven to be harder and harder to leave her at night. Most people get to see the beautiful happy baby pictures and see my happy posts on her weight gain...not many people see the realness of it all. Not many people see me on a bad day or see the exhaustion in my eyes. Not many people see when a combination of hormones, worry and pure exhaustion take over...I'll tell you, it isn't pretty. This is hard....dang hard! It's hard to know, as a woman, that you most likely won't be able to carry a baby full term. It's hard as a mommy to have to leave your baby at the hospital. It's hard as a wife to be the comfort your husband needs knowing you are dealing with the stress differently. We lost our sweet Berkley behind these same NICU walls, it's was beyond painful to walk back in the NICU and see our sweet Sadie in the same place. It's just hard. As hard as it all has been and will continue to be until she comes home, there is absolutely nothing like rocking my sweet girl and singing to her about Jesus. We may be in the NICU with beeping machines and she may be getting a tube feeding instead of a bottle, but in these moments, it's just me and my sweet girl. In these moments God shows me His faithfulness and gives me the peace and strength I need to keep going. I am so thankful for this amazing precious girl and every minute I get to spend with her.