So I guess I should tell you new people a little about myself. I'm married to a guy I've known since I was like 5. We decided to try dating in college and it's been "happily ever after"ever since. I just want to say that is the most ridiculous and unrealistic phrase ever. Anyway, we have been married 6 years and battled lots. He got sick in 06, blood clot in his brain...pretty serious. I graduated college in 07, we got engaged in 08. We got married in 09, he graduated and we bought a house in 2010. We had a pretty ideal easy perfect life...we weren't ready for the real stuff, the hard hard real life stuff. We loved Jesus, had supportive families, been in the same church our whole lives....we should be known better. By the way we call this next segment of life "The fall of 2012"...you should know this for future or past references.
So based on our perfect, uneventful marriage, in 2012 we decided we were ready to have a baby. We both had good jobs, why not? We found out we were pregnant on June, due the next February. Oh I should also mention that my daddy had a heart attack in April. It was terrible and terrifying for my family. Ironically, in a completely inappropriate, over-sharing moment, Berkley was conceived that day. Gross, right? Ha. Okay, moving on... In July David got very sick, blood clot sick again. But this time we were shipped off to Emory in Atlanta. Away from home, two separate times, 14-15 days each time. It was exhausting and emotionally draining, especially on this first trimester girl! But we got through it...read my post "Joseph's story"...you'll see how God walked us through that journey with my precious Berkley. Oh, sometimes I call her Berk, know that.
Anyway in October I went into labor. I gave birth to our sweet Berkley at home alone on a dark and dreary October 10th. She was very small, weighing 1lb and 6oz., 12 inches long and absolutely beautiful. She was with us 2 days, she went to be with Jesus on October 12th. Most of my older posts are about her or revolve around things I've learned from her. It was the greatest loss I've ever suffered but the most beautiful moments of my walk with Jesus were birthed there. David got sick again in December of that year but has since been pretty healthy. Since then we have been on a climb. An uphill battle that has been daunting at times. But through the grace of God we have made it. We have grown in Him and grown with each other. We have just recently had our second Daughter, Sadie. Who I sometimes call Frass, know that. She is amazing. Also born prematurely at only 28 weeks, but she is now 3 months old and after 8 weeks in the NICU we got to bring her home! She is the most amazing little fighter I've ever known! Turns out I don't carry babies well, not my spiritual gift...but we have a healthy little girl at home who we couldn't be more grateful for!
So that's my story...this is where I start I guess. I'm learning as I go so be patient with me. I've published a lot of older journal entries for background but they aren't in exact order of events...
I'll just start here. I ask you to pray with me as I walk this journey. I know God has a plan and purpose for our story and for now all I know to do is write and share it.
Going Unseen is the title of my blog...which probably makes absolutely no sense to you. You should know, I am a really happy person. I'm obnoxious and ridiculously cheerful and loud at times. I have a massive smile and have been told my energy is contagious. Those are all great characteristics, and I'm thankful that people view me in that way. But...what I have learned in the last few years is that things aren't always perfect cheerful rainbows and butterfly's. Things are ugly, life is hard, and we so frequently spend so much time trying to cover the ugly parts with makeup and put on a plastic smile like we are ashamed of the real stuff...we let our hard times go "unseen". We fake it....and It.is.exhausting. NEWSFLASH...no one has it all together. To quote my best friend/sister "everybody has stuff babe". To most people the real Lauren has gone unseen. So here we are...starting a new journey of real feelings, raw emotion, and learning to be okay with the not so perfect moments. I'm learning everyday that walking with Jesus is the only way we can be okay with our "unseen" moments.
Oh and I'm hilarious so be prepared to laugh at me...
#readysetgo
My wife and I had the extremely rare opportunity to work with you at BTP. It is true that your smile is HUGE and your spirit is LOUD (lol) and beautiful. I always knew that within you was a LOVING and STRONG person. I have offered many prayers to our Father for you and your family. Our hearts shattered at every phase of your family's journey as we felt the pain of our brother and sister. I begged God for Sadie for you. I knew you were strong but I didnt want you to have to use that STRENGTH. I wanted for you REST and JOY. God is FAITHFUL to his people and HIS LOVE ENDURES ALWAYS. Be of COURAGE and KNOW that God WILL be the LIGHT unto your PATH and He will show YOU the WAY to DELIVER His love to His people. In FREEDOM, write. He is you AUTHOR and EDITOR. Love you, Black Berry
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