Memories creep up..like flood

Sometimes separating good memories and bad memories can be so difficult. We hold on the bad in fear that we will lose the good. I get it. In 60ish hours I experienced indescribable fear, pain, great happiness, perfect peace, deep sorrow, anger, confusions....the list goes on. Some days I feel like holding on to the deep sorrow some how keeps the precious days of life more real. Why is it that I can hold on to sorrow and pain so much easier than I can cling to the happy times? Why can't I reflect on those two days and hold on to the miracle of life? One of the most incredible feelings in the whole world was looking at Berkley. Holding her and seeing all the features of mine and all the features of David. She looked so much like David. I remember David pointing out that at least she had my boney long toes....thanks babe. :) it is crazy to see your child and know that God created this baby just for you. She was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Perfect. But why can't we stay there? Why can't we reflect on the blessings of life without falling back into the messes of life? I frustrate myself sometimes because I can be reflecting on those two days of life that God blessed us with and then find myself angry that it was only two days. Gratitude for the time we had....that's what I should feel. Today I pray for all the families that have ever experienced loss to lay down the anger, sorrow, bitterness....whatever is holding you back. It is a useless waste of head space and emotion. I get it...trust me I do, but we can't carry it around. They are real feelings and they demand to be felt, but we can't live there. We can't build  a fort and live in these negative thoughts and emotions. It's a heavy burden that we don't have to bear. He will sustain us....we just have to lay it down. We may keep picking it up for a while but we have to start somewhere.

Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. (Psalms 55:22 KJV)